Have You Ever Used,,,,,

* Have you ever used another name for employment: ___ Y or N. If yes provide below

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Well in the electronic world of the web we have made it convenient to prospect for jobs and employees. We have made it so sterile that we don't even have to meet the candidate or prospective employer. We can just cut and paste a resume into a online job application and walaa just like magic all about us is transported to a non human piece of circuitry for someone hidden in a closed door office to peruse. Kinda like a corporate peeping tom in some ways or Nazi Germany at the camps,,left line, right line into the trash deleted. Are we now just bytes on a computer and the human aspects less or unimportant?

I have been with the same company for 25 years now if I make it until June 24th and I have never seen things in the corporate world or country in such despair regardless of party affiliations. I am glad to be back in college working on my nursing career. First its a long time coming and I have always been absorbed with the job and working with folks in distress. Secondly I just love being in the mix of young folks and the challenges of bettering myself. I never had this drive or determination before transition. Back in the ole days it was just putting up with my place and deliema on the planet. Today it is all about the zest for life and all the new mountains I have to explore. My gender shift has allowed me to see the world as it should have been so many eons ago for me and to experience the contentment I have with my lot in life these days. Surely I didn't make a mistake when I jumped into the potential nightmare of transition.

The college schooling is still on track and the time to look into getting something other then book knowledge is upon me. I could use the hands on experience and some additional cash flow during the current state of our economy. So I have begun the search at the four local hospitals for a patient care assistant position. I might as well get my hands wet and some real life experience before I have to do it for a grade during clinicals. Its not like I have extra time but the dark days of winter are upon us and its a good time to grow some more outside the confines of my home among other like minded folks in the medical field.

I heard about a job at one of the local hospitals from a classmate and she told me to go for it and to use her name as a reference. Do it online Jenna its so much easier. Sooooooo I did and got another education in the troubles of maintaining a stealth living lifestyle. I never considered that someone would just plain out ask the question at the top of the page. Guess what,,They did. Not just once but 6 times on the application. Once for the warm up and five more times for your present or past employers. Its kinda like a boxers knockdown punch and the remaining few blows to finish you off to make sure that your not getting back up from the mat. To say I was floored would be an under statement,, how naive of me. I quickly called a friend that is a paralegal with a international law firm in NYC that is experienced with LGBTI issues and laid out my concerns. Can they really do this? She said, Jenna in that industry it is common place and you must out yourself if you want a chance. Those that get found out later are dismissed immediately and there are no its a minor infraction regardless of how good an employee you are. I said, Yes but this isn't at all fair and was informed that even a small fib will get you fired if it is found out. I was devastated to say the least. I said, Yes but when they see my old name I won't even get a face to face interview. I dont stand a chance to prove my worth. She was a lot more optimistic about that then I and her words of soothing didn't help the knot forming in my stomach.

I removed my classmates name, a current employee of the hospital from the referral line of the application. I always want her to see me for who I am, not who I was. I put "his name" down on the required line and sat numbly wondering if I should hit the send key on my keyboard or run away. Minutes passed quietly while I stared at the screen of his name and wondered how long it had been since I had seen it and was that really me? Was that ever me? The guy who nurtured me when I couldn't do so for myself. Did I still feel the same love for him that I did once I stood as a woman on my own two feet? It all seemed like cloudy bits of a long forgotten dream sitting there staring silently back at me. A distant reminder about how far I have traveled on this path. Was I tired, ready to surrender, beaten down and ready to say okay, you win? Never, failure is not an option. I gently pressed down on the mouse key and sent the application to an emotionless server somewhere in the confines of some computer at the hospital. Now I sit waiting for a call that will most likely never come.