Vagina Monologues

I posted a video recently on Youtube about my successful attempt at getting my college to include the transgender monologue in this years productions of the Vagina Monologues in April.
The video was my attempt at a apology for going to the reading/tryouts with a agenda to sway them to include the trans monologue. I read a portion of the monologue The Flood for the tryouts. I am all about inclusion for all and especially for woman. Happening to be one it would be silly of me not to be dont you think?,,hehe.
I at the least wanted to help coach a younger girl to perform the part. I ended up getting the part last sunday nite. I argued that I could better support another girl but the director insisted that I did the part. She felt I would bring more to the piece because of whom I am. Well I prolly would loose that argument if I decided someone born with a vagina would be better at understanding the transgendered experience. Besides I never was comfy with the movie Transamerica and the fact that they used a genetic actress to play the part. It just didnt sit right with me ever. Even though they did a nice job trying to tell our story from just one persons experience. Well I didn't like the story line either. It was just to sensationalism Hollywood for me. But then my life is rather boring and couldn't sell a ticket in a theater,,roflmao. I thought how would I ever memorize it all after I opened the email with the script. The original reading was by Calpernia Addams, Andrea James and Lesley Townsend. The monologue is written closely along her real life story. Well, We had our cast run through in the order it will be done on stage. It was an interesting mix that covered the entire gambit of human feelings from the female perspective. From laughs to tears,,we were all moved and the seriousness of what we were going to do was felt by all in the room.
I practiced my lines over and over when I had time in the car or was alone in my home. It actually started to sink in and the lines came naturally from my mouth. I was totally amazed,,it was if I had a microchip placed in my grey matter someplace and it was responding to some hidden stimuli. I was somewhat prepared for that first run through and actually the words flowed smoothly out of my mouth as did all the body language and emotions that followed. I read serious pieces while looking some of the girls randomly in the eyes. My inflection to the piece moved me to near tears. After the meeting was over and the director and a few girls remained we chattered about how exciting it was that we were launched. The director smiled at me and said, Jenna you were awesome with the part. I smiled and told her the words seem to be sinking into my head. I thanked her and a few other girls when the shared that they welled up with tears. I said, It really wasn't acting but just the reality of who I am being exposed so it was all natural. I sat with a black girl who was beautiful by the way and we talked quietly for a long while and she told me I was the first transwoman she had ever met and she was glad to meet me. We chatted about anything and everything trying to bring each of us closer to the other. Lol,,,we were successful,,haha.
I hope the bonds that were formed in that room that first night will be repeated throughout the production and we sway and change minds when we go on stage to spill it all out to the audience.

Ring, Ring, Hello, Hi Robbie, Now who are you?

Death has a funny way of screwing with your ying and yang and all the stuff surrounding. I am sitting here,,well not just now, but for most of the day where ever I happen to be thinking "wtf". My Dad died yesterday. For most of us this is a very sobering occasion, not something we are ever really quite prepared to digest. For me and my siblings it has been many years of what ever happened to him after the divorce. Is he alive or dead and where?
Soon after the family crashed and burned and Mom and Dad went on their separate journeys my father went on with his life. It was good that he moved on,,the not so good option was that he and his new wife decided we were bad or disposable children and we were dismissed from their life's. To say it has spun up the heads of his sperm donation to my mother is an understatement to the heirs of his deposit. The word dysfunctional in my family is classic Olympic gold stuff.
I being a 15 year old something handled it better then the younger 3 kids. My sister two years younger did a fair job of trying to maintain a relationship with him. Ultimately it was a waste of time and more scars were added to our individual Psyche. My younger sister and brother both just never had a clue of how whacked we were and were never explained that they did nothing wrong. It just wasn't my Dad,,but it was his whole clan. None of them agreed on how to spell our family name. It came in many variations and being young I never got just how that was just okay.
Anyway, I was sitting at my desk today,,playing the everything person because of the slow down in the economy. The phone rings and I have this belief that treat folks how you want to be treated that comes from the you reap what you sow school of thought. I answer, Thank you for calling xxxxxxxx can I help you? The male voice on the other end replies, Hello Jenna as if they knew me. I said, Yes this is Jenna can I help you and the reply "Hi its Robbie" I reply hi Robbie how are you in this upbeat voice and he says, Just fine and you? I tell him I'm wonderful and you are Robbie who with whom? His answer is clear with his last name this time and about that time my jaw hits my chest. It is my cousin last seen when he was about 6 years old. Like me his voice has changed,,lol. But no doubt this is no whats knew with you conversation. I ask him why he is calling just in case it is business. More wishful thinking.
He informs me my father died yesterday and he wanted us to know. It seems he was close to my dad. Something that most of us never seemed to achieve. He continues to spell it out for me and I'm not sure how to respond. It seems my dads wife was never going to let us know and Robbie wasn't okay with that. I finally ask him how he found me after the switheroo and all on my part and soon learn he has always known where I was and that had full knowledge of my transition. He wasn't sure how to approach me but was totally accepting. We seem to have a common friend that never let on that he was nearby until today and the need to break the ice so to speak.
So I'm going to met this 6 year old minds eye adult for dinner in a few days and do some of that stuff that families do,,, Bond and be family. I cant wait. A door closes completing closure and another opens,,,,,,imagine that. So tonight I sit here contemplative not sure of all the raw feelings and emotions vacillating through me and say good bye to my father,,,,