I felt the need to share a bit more of my inner thoughts. Lately they have been in overdrive of sorts over work, school, home and the car. I do have time now to sort stuff out before finals begin and the cramming for exams starts tomorrow. I got rid of a huge concern , The Land Rover and purchased a new Mercury SUV to drag the catamaran about safely. I wanted a small car but my hobby wont allow for it. Not safely anyway. The closest I got to a green product is the color.
So back to my thoughts. The car gone I feel a large amount of anxiety over a breakdown has been relieved. After living through the heater core I couldn't get my mind to accept that in time the possibility of changing the engine out was ever going to be acceptable. Ford fixed that worry with some great rebates on a 2008 leftover. But I will miss that lil car for a long time as I was very attached to it. It was more like driving a go cart then a SUV.
Work has been scary to say the least and I have watched many co workers get the ax. I am one of three left in our branch,, I think I eluded to that in a past post. I am in the office more these days and don't care to much for it for a few reasons. First I just got used to not being a commuter. I saved lots of gas and wear on my vehicle. Time management became a no brainer and it allowed me to do house chores and laundry and such as part of my day while taking business calls. I still worry about loosing my home as I'm still one hundred percent sales commissioned and sales being soft is an understatement. I really have to get a roommate to help lessen the burden I am feeling right now from carrying the mortgage. I know I am not alone in this crisis and I hope that things start to improve soon. My lasting power is about spent and I have avoided the roommate topic to this point. Thought about it yes and that is where it stopped from moving forward. One of my fears is getting a roommate who looses their job,,then what do I do? My gut is telling me that we are headed into a depression of the magnitude of the thirties and that the politico's are going to maintain the line that its just a prolonged recession. Look at how long it took them to admit the recession began in later 2007. I experience a income crash in October 2006 so who is telling the truth? I don't think my bank statements and pay stubs are lying,,at least the IRS doesn't seem to think so and aren't they the government? I think this is all being orchestrated to keep civil unrest from getting out of hand. Something that they wont be able to control without martial law. We certainly are tittering on the brink of total meltdown and I'm bloody scared as hell. Okay time for me to put on a floral top to get out of the depression creeping in.
The Nursing career path and schooling is still on track and I soooooo love school even though it has worn me down some. The balance between work and school is a world class balancing act in itself. The online applications that I sent to two local hospitals has left a silent response in my email account set up just for my Nursing journey. I will do two more today at the other nearby hospitals in an attempt to get some additional experience and a dependable income flow. I have of late had that lingering feeling that since they have my old name on record these days I will never be contacted for an interview because of my transsexual status. I wish that part was against the law to ask for on applications. The good Dr Ousterhout did a fine job on my face and my small size has allowed me to live pretty much in stealth mode to those I interact with on a daily basis. Even my classmates have no idea of my goofy past life. So why must I provided the link to my past that will surely set off the bells and whistles of my birth defect???
So I will persevere in attempt to find my place in the nursing field. I feel and hear my old mantra repealing itself over and over again. "I can, I will, I must, failure is not an option! "
