I'm feeling anxious
It must have been caused by a piece of undigested beef,,or maybe dirty beer taps at the fire house. But I'm not much of a holiday seasons person. But I sure love a nice vacation when the economy is moving along just nicely. I don't get asked to family events any longer since my historic transition. All the better by me as I hated the family drama that unfolded every year and also I especially despised the travel required I had to endure so that I can listen to my family members semi agree to get along. Dad always nervous about large gathering was always on edge. So I enjoy my distance today but not the fact that I'm now the outcast. I did talk a few minutes with my mom Tuesday (very few, less then 5 minutes). We haven't talked anymore then that most of the past year. I wanted a cranberry relish recipe that I've decided I'm not gonna make anyway. I just don't have the energy to do the shopping thing. But Mom overall has gotten worse over time with my switcheroo and Dad better or at least he has found peace with it. But still the invite to family stuff isn't there anymore.
For years I had been cooking away Thanksgiving dinner for a T friend and then after a girls slumber party of sorts stuffed and too much wine. This year I decided not to because of school and the fact that I'm exhausted mentally and physically. Full time work along with watching many of my co workers get laid off has taken its toll on me. I have made the job cut repeatedly,,how funny,, that I remain as others get added to the failed economy casualty rolls. My branch office where I took up residence after transition is down to 3 folks including myself. Damn depressing and scary stuff in reality. I am the everything girl now at work and have moved my computer to the recently vacated office- receptionist desk in the main lobby. I want to be able to help cover the phones and support the parts guy during heavy business activity periods. Our business seems to be feast or famine with activity as far as the daily load goes. The phones ring endlessly or are silent for long periods. So much for the office,,, but it will certainly be quieter with just three of us there. I said my goodbyes to the branch manager last nite when leaving. He has been moved back to the main office starting Monday. He has always been a friend and ally to me and I cherish our friendship deeply. One of those guys that really gets and accepts me. Though we did but heads on occasion before my switcheroo.
My son will be with my x spouse again this year with his other siblings and family. I have elected to not interfere with this holiday because I think it is important that he spends it with them. It is the only one that I don't do the annual swap days with her even though it is in our settlement. Lately, Justin has been coming over here during the week for dinner and computer online games that he plays with some friends from school. So I really don't feel cheated for his time and actually feel I cheat him of mine because of work, school and homework. November has other dates that seem to wear me down also. One of them being my wedding anniversary date on the 22 nd. Something about twin two's for me, April 22 nd was my gender reassignment date also. It was also the day that Kennedy got whacked by folks that we will never know,,,but will continue to wonder about for years to come. At least maybe the baby boomers like myself. But I am sure many things happened on Nov 22nd. To many to even give thought too.
So,,,on to my 2003 Land Rover Freelander. I have to admit I just adore this lil SUV,, but not how its about to get into my pocket. To be honest it really has been charming to own and comfortable as hell to drive. Fairly inexpensive and simple to maintain till now. I have had the common listed vehicle problems that require a few hundred dollars to make disappear and figured it was part of the annual ownership expenses. I grumbled and drug my feet when it was time to put tires on. The fact that no one offered tires except Michelin didn't bother me till I saw the price. A serious got ya at $1400 plus for 3. I used the new spare hanging off the back as the fourth.
The pain of that 30,000 miles ago has fade somewhat but not the lurking knowing that at 140,000 miles those tire will have gone up a bunch I am sure. That was my bail out point for the car,,,or so I thought. I'm sitting at 98,000 miles and the heater core has developed a leak,,another problem know by the dealer but not warrantied. So I call the local dealer and order a new core all of a book sized piece. I learned last night it was $375 delivered to my home and I opened the box to find out it is rusted even though brand new. OOOOh this is starting to feel wrong . I talked with a friend I grew up with who owns a foreign repair shop. He informs me that yes the core is problematic in the model and actually most Rovers in time need one. The factory time to change it out is 5.5 hours and the whole dashboard has to come out. I pondered whether I should do this myself as way back in the day I turned wrenches for a living and I still own the tools of the trade. The thought of another $600 for labor didn't appeal with me. So late last night after my son left I came down to my office computer to look up the removal and installation instructions. That was about the time I begun to feel ill and decided more alcohol was in my immediate needs list. It appears that there are folks working on a class action lawsuit to get the engines replaced in the car and that the head gaskets will blow out and repairs are expensive and success after with water leaks are a common occurrence. Well that was a nice full roundhouse punch in the stomach while I was drinking my beer. I still owe about $5000 on the car and really need to do something about trading this car out fast,,like this week if I can work out the financing as to not have a larger car payment,,,Drats, I don't want to buy a new car dammit. I was getting prepared for the 140,000 mile gig but not this and not now. Some folks will be Xmas shopping Friday,,I will haggling to get out of this mess. But, Damn I love that lil car, surely I am a masochist. It's gonna be a weekend of hand cuts and broken nails,,I just hate that.
Enjoy the Holiday if you must, But be back to work all the earlier on the morrow hmmmph.
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