Beginnings

I am not sure where or when the first day of "knowing" began. It was certainly something that was always a integral part of my being. Often I was referred to by my mother as Sensative "him" when I wasn't acting quite like a male my age. So, I grew up not fitting but never sure why. Sure I was playing the birth role well but never sure why I felt the way that I did. Didn't everyone feel this way??? Certainly they did and it just wasn't talked about because it was, well you just don't talk about feeling odd. Or then again,,did they think like me too? Looking back,,that would be a solid no they didn't. The timing of all this coming out stuff was left to cook for many years. More then I wish it had been allowed to do so. The carnage of the coming out period is one I keep tucked away in my soul as a reminder to myself to never do to myself again or to those that where family ,friends and co-workers. The real beginning of that slow train out of the station was facial feminization surgery with Dr O. I believe that was the stepping off place of a one way ticket to what my future as a woman might hold for me. There were of course the sessions of drama at work months before after being outed by a female coworker and confidant. That out letter to the masses at work. The letter that once read by management was a non reversible message. It certainly wouldn't be received well to come back at a later date and say,,Oh by the way I was just kidding,,funny joke eh? So, my visit to San Francesco was to forever make things right was the point I call the beginning. I will forever feel love and gratitude to the wonderful care received at Cocoon and for the care and dedication of Dr Ousterhout and his staff. It was truly the time that the caterpillar morphs into a butterfly. The time makes the memory of pain from surgery fade away to a unpleasantry. But the memory has been replaced to one of excitement of what is yet to be and the New Beginning. I experience a zest for life these days, each new one unfolding yet a new chance for opportunities of what will be my legacy, my mark the piece of me that remains long after I have left this world.